Love - - - - ?

       We always hear people say, "I met so-and-so, and a year later we were married." That first encounter is what starts them on their journey. It's the fork in their life's road. One day, life is going a certain way, but then you've met your match, and life is even better. At certain points we all feel alone, but then someone meets us soul to soul, and it's a beautiful experience.


                       Life can have fewer happy surprises the older we get, and people like to listen to stories that wow us, For married couples, it's a way of connecting with others on one of the happiest times in their life. It brings them back to the memory of why they fell in love.

                    I learned that joy can't be scheduled. One woman called a wrong number and ended up falling in love with the man who picked up! Another woman went on a blind date and knew she would marry him the second she saw him. Those stories give us a sense of wonder that things can turn on a dime. Another couple got engaged in first grade. He passed her a note in class asking if she would marry him; she wrote yes. They started dating when they were 16 and married after graduating tech school. Even if they didn't know it right away, once they had that "aha" moment, they never looked back. They were overtaken by a sense of This is right, and there is so much joy in that feeling

                   Many poems, stories and songs have been written about love. The power of this unseen concept is immense. It does not exist in the animal kingdom; but in the human realm, love is a powerful force. So powerful that if little babies do not experience love from someone, such as their parents, they will die. It is a concept that is abused among humans. The need to be loved is such a strong force that we often make very poor choices to fulfill it. We may not voice our need, but it drives us from within.

If a person really does love you, he or she will do everything possible to insure your well-being.  

       All of us need to learn this. It should be clear that if someone expresses love for you but then brings you into danger or encourages you to do something that may hurt you, that is not love. It may be fulfilling some need or drive within that person and our response may be fulfilling some drive within ourselves. Only when those drives are healthy, right and good does real love exist.

        I have often heard of young people saying to one another: “If you love me, you will…” Often, the result is that the person does what the other asks to prove their love. That is not love at all from either party. First of all, if a person really does love you, he or she would never ask you to do something that might cause you to lose self-respect, dignity, the respect of others or cause tension within your family. These days the request is all too often related to a sexual act. Such a request does not reflect true love at all. The response doesn’t either. You do not need to degrade yourself to prove your love to someone.

             It seems so difficult to get this through our heads. True love improves and brings joy and all the good things of life. Statements such as “If you love me, you will…” (tolerate my drinking, satisfy my needs, forgive me for hitting you, overlook my foul temper, etc.) are all examples of anything but true love. They are requests that are an attempt to use love as a force to make the other person do something that overlooks your own weakness or faults.

The need to be loved is such a strong force that we often make very poor choices to fulfill it.


         How pleasant it would be if we could learn this in our marriages. Men and women come to love one another through sharing the experiences of life, bringing children into the world, building a home and planning for the future together. All too often, though, the mutual respect and focus on the well-being of the other is lacking.

          We are human and we are physical. We get tired and have emotional highs and lows. There are times when we feel blue, and perhaps we feel hurt or not wanted. Stresses can build up to the point of a breakdown. Job pressures, physical changes, family struggles and other factors of life all play a role in damaging the pure minded attempt to really show love to one another. In some way every marriage or relationship goes through such highs and lows. That is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel despondent about. True love edifies, makes better, improves and brings joy and all the good things of life.

           

The next time you say “I love you,” I trust you will be thinking of what you can do to let that person know you sincerely want their happiness and well-being. It is in giving that we gain the most. You receive love only when you first give it away.